Matchmaking 101: Bachelor #3

A message from Pepe LePew:

I had to say yes, right? Even if his suave European approach was mildly annoying, a date with an overly-confident Frenchman would at the very least make for a good story.

Unfortunately, it never happened.  

We exchanged numbers, 

set a date, 

and then he tried to change our meeting time at the last minute. 

I wasn't up for the hassle so we called the whole thing off  

...and the very next day I met my boyfriend.  

[More on that to come.]

Flirting 101: Train spotting [part 2]

As I continued to steal glances at hipster boy, noting the adorable way his blue plaid shirt perfectly matched his sneakers and his skinny jeans straddled that line between too tight and just tight enough, I felt compelled to let him know how attractive I found him.  I liked his style, but more importantly, he was just darn cute.

I spent the majority of the train ride debating whether or not the chance at conversation with hipster boy would outweigh the fear of talking to a complete stranger.  The Match project has certainly made me more comfortable with conversing with someone I've never met, but I still rarely start an interaction that's not warranted by someone talking to me first.  However, when hipster boy moved from standing near me to occupying the newly emptied seat directly next to me, I felt obligated to seize the opportunity.

Frankly, it would not be completely unheard of for me to go the crazy stranger route and simply turn to a boy and say "You're really cute" out of nowhere. Thankfully, on this particular occasion, I found a conversational in. You see, hipster boy was wearing headphones.  Not earbuds, but old school, DJ spinning headphones.  You can find them often at Urban Outfitters which almost definitively makes them a hipster trademark.  I've noticed them often around the city and always wondered if they were functionally superior or simply stylistically cooler than my measly little buds.  Emboldened by my non-crazy reason to speak, I tapped hipster boy on the shoulder.

Me: "Can I ask you a question?"

Hipster Boy: "Shoot." [his casual and still friendly response made me like him even more]

Me: "Are those type of headphones better than earbuds? Like do they have a better sound? Or is it simply a style choice?"

Hipster Boy: "Well I like them because I think they're more comfortable. I don't like sticking things in my ears. But they also have a better sound. You can hear the bass clearer.  Your ears aren't being bombarded by the sound the way they are with earbuds." [boys who know music are sexy]

Me: "Ok, I always wondered if it was just a style choice or a musical choice."

Hipster Boy: "Yeah, I just like them better all around."

Me: "Ok...You're hot by the way."

Hipster Boy: [flattered and only mildly scared by my craziness] "Well thank you."

Me: "I figure it's always good to hear that."

Hipster Boy: "Yes, yes it is."

And that was the end.

We went back to our respective iPod music [mine connected to earbuds, his to the musically superior headphones] and a few stops later he exited the train.  Best part: I didn't feel rejected at all.  I'm glad that I spoke to him.  If I'd let him sit in silence next to me for the entire commute, I would have always wondered what might have happened if I'd just said what I was thinking.  Following my gut instinct felt good.  Plus, it opened a window of opportunity for him to return an interest.  So what if he didn't take it? At least he went home that day feeling a little bit hotter.

Flirting 101: Train spotting [part 1]

Since moving to this city, I've been hit on while riding public transportation at least 3 times:

The first was during a 2am ride home from a party downtown. A young, drunk romeo decided that I looked "artistic and passionate" and simply had to come home with him. [I didn't.]

The second was an elderly gentleman who was fascinated by my "beautiful hair." He touched me in appropriate places, but for very inappropriate amounts of time during the majority of my ride home from work.

The third was rather boisterous lesbian. She loved my sunglasses, my ipod music, the fact that I used to be a dancer. She even did a little dancing of her own for me right in the back of the bus.  I now think twice before wearing a blazer with short hair...it could be sending the wrong message.

I recently shared my tales of public transflirtations with an Indy friend and his response was "Man, people in Chicago are bold to hit on a complete stranger." I explained to him that it's less a question of boldness and more a situation where attraction meets opportunity. After all, it's not often that you catch a glimpse of a stranger you fancy and then have an adequate amount of time to get up the courage to talk to them.  Public transportation provides not only the exposure to people you may never otherwise meet, but also a window of time in which to strike up a conversation.

Ironically enough, just days after giving this explanation, I was presented with my own scenario of attraction meeting opportunity on the CTA.

I had taken half the day off and was making the hour trek from work on the north side to an audition on the south side.  It was one of the first beautiful days of spring and I think I'd been hit with a bit of spring fever.  With every step of my commute, I noticed more and more cute boys, but it wasn't until I boarded the red line that one boy in particular stood out.

I noticed him at first for his hipster garb [hipster boys are sexy.], but as I continued to steal glances, I found him more and more attractive beyond his style choices.  Attraction, for me, is a funny thing.  I'm rarely drawn to someone on sight alone.  On the rare [perhaps only 2-3] occasions in my life that I have found someone so completely attractive, it's not because they're a dead ringer for Brad Pitt or anything, there's just something about them that draws me in. I can't explain it.  Whatever that X factor is for me, this guy had it and for the first time in my life, I HAD to talk to him.

to be continued...

Matchmaking 101: Who'd have known?

Things I'm learning about myself while searching for boys on Match.com:

1. I'm incredibly shallow. Hear me out: I don't consider myself any more shallow than the next person when it comes to real life. Personality plays a big part in my attraction to someone if they're right in front of me. But online, when all there is to catch my attention is a stagnant vanity shot in thumbnail size, I get pretty judgmental. While judging the books by their covers, I've learned that apparently:

• only about 1 in 100 guys truly interest me
• shaved heads kind of creep me out
• blue eyes hypnotize me
• a nice smile is important
• too many muscles turn me off
• [boys with bed head are sexy]
• [boys in cool hats are sexy]
• [boys who wear glasses are sexy]

2. Boys who like to pose with their guitar like me.  Note: I did not say boys who PLAY guitar like me.  For all I know, the guys bombarding me with winks as they pretentiously pose with their acoustics can't play a lick.  But if they love the way they look with a guitar in their hands, they're usually into me.  Take from that what you will.

3.  There is no clear definition as to what "about average" body type means.  Statistically, I imagine that the average American body type is slightly rotund, so perhaps the cushier men of Match.com are dead on in using that description.  However, in my mind, "about average" means a bit leaner, but lacking in muscle and tone.  Apparently, this description works on a sliding scale and it always catches me off guard.

...more to come later.

Matchmaking 101: Bachelor #1

Shortly after my profile went live on Match.com this past week, Miss X called to inform me that one of the boys she had 'winked' at had messaged me: "Message him back, he's cute and he does yoga."

As I checked out his profile later that day, I found that he was in fact cute and he did in fact do yoga, but what really sold me was that I laughed out loud at his email. [Funny boys are sexy.] So I replied.

Three or four emails later, we arranged for a weekend meet up to explore his neighborhood...that was today.

As fate would have it, it was a dreadful day to explore any neighborhood, with the kind of rain that spits down from the sky sideways and drenches your face even with the protection of an umbrella. To make the best of it, we decided to get a hot drink somewhere and try to wait out the drizzle. Unfortunately, the only cafe on the block was closed for a private party, so we settled for a beer at one of the bustling pubs.

How did the date go?

There wasn't a lull in conversation once, we laughed, we talked, we shared life stories...and neither one of us was interested.

But perhaps I've found a new yoga buddy.

Matchmaking 101: Dating Advice from a Boy

Tomorrow, I have a 'date' with Bachelor #1 of the Matchmaking Project, but more on him later...

Tonight, I bring you 3 fabulous first date pointers [for me or anyone], courtesy of my friend Los:

1. Be yourself.  You have a great personality when you show it off.  So show it off. 

2. He's not going to ask you to marry him...so don't be nervous. Come up with questions to keep him talking.  The more talking he does the more you know about him. 

3. Check the self-consciousness at home.  Remember: you should always live life to love life.  It's important not to stress and always have fun. 

And then, just to make sure I understood, he summarized things "in michelle terms":

1. [guys like girls with personality] let it flow.
2. [guys like girls that show genuine interest in their lives] fact.
3. [guys like girls who enjoy the simple things in life] keep it simple & fun.

Matchmaking 101: What have I gotten myself into?

Yesterday, I came to the realization that I will pretty much do anything if it'll make for a good blog.

Let me explain: During a conversation about the current state of my love life with the most spontaneous boy I know, he suggested that I try to meet guys on Match.com.  I laughed and told him I'm not that desperate.  He then said it might make for a good blog.  That's when I gave it a second thought.  By the time he offered to pay the monthly fee, I was sold.

However, this project has a few rules:

1. I don't want to manage the profile.  This may sound weird for a blogger, but I'm kind of sick of describing myself.  Between twitter, facebook, myspace, personal websites, and various other online outlets, I'm sick of trying to define 'who I am.' Thankfully, my best girl friend [call her Miss X] was more than willing to take the job.  She created a fun and flirty description of me that was pretty much spot on.  Except I'm much cooler through her eyes.

2. I don't want to spend hours online sorting thru the profiles of prospective dates.  Truth time: I've actually done Match.com's free trial before [boredom will make you do crazy things...so will a bottle of wine & an evening of watching too many romantic comedies].  I hate having to sort thru thumbnail after thumbnail of guys trying to look cooler/thinner/hipper than they really are.  And reading email after email of "you fine, girl." isn't my cup of tea either.  That's why Miss X is my official screening process for this project.  She 'winks' at the goods ones and if they respond with an intelligent email, that's when I take over.

3. I have to go out on at least 4 real life dates in 3 months time.  My financial backer created this rule to make sure his money's well spent.  Originally our deal was one month of membership for 2 dates, but since he was feeling generous and paid for 3 months, the date number was increased to 4.  It should be noted that I haven't been on 4 dates in the past 2 years, let along in 3 months.  This could get interesting.

Let the games begin.

Sex, Lies, & VideoPhones: Los

As promised yesterday, here's the [spotlight] interview with Ryan Carlos aka Los.

"You like puppies?  I LIKE PUPPIES!"

Los [in the spotlight] from michelle shea walker on Vimeo.

Ryan Carlos aka Los

Los lives his life in a way most people never have the courage to.  Spontaneous is a word created to describe him.  Example: About a year ago, just weeks after joining his list of facebook friends, I spotted a status that he was at the airport with nothing more than the clothes on his back, prepared to see where the weekend took him...you wish you were that cool.

And to top it off, he's a great dancer [& boys who can dance are sexy].

His interview occurred on a late night road trip somewhere between Chicago and Indianapolis.  While I was thanking God for the video light on my Sony Cybershot, Los felt like he was talking to God from staring directly into it's brightness.  Fortunately, he did a great job of keeping those gorgeous almond-shaped eyes from squinting too much at the camera.

Stay tuned later this week for the full interview, but until then, here's a preview including Los's thoughts on the L word:

Los [a preview] from michelle shea walker on Vimeo.

Flirting 101: Words are Sexy.

I am a word junkie.  I write them, I read them, I rhyme them...nothing excites me quite the same as a perfect turn of phrase.  Therefore, there's nothing sexier than a guy who knows his words.

Recently, I used the word "bogarting" in a text to two friends who had no idea what I meant.  Once I had been made aware of their confusion [and explained the definition], I sought out a second opinion.  Surely, I couldn't be the only one who knew this phrase.  So I texted another friend [who just so happens to be a cute boy] to find out if he knew what the term meant.

Without hint or hesitation, he responded with "it means to steal something, right?"...and I fell a little bit in love.
When I mentioned that his understanding of my lingo was quite a turn on, he responded with "because words are sexy."...and I was ready to propose.

Because words ARE sexy.  And, nothing against my bogart-confused friends, but having someone get your lingo is even sexier.

I can't tell you how many times a random turn of phrase or quirky slang has made me take notice of a boy.  I've crushed hard on both friends and random strangers for using words outside the standard vernacular.  Phrases inspired by vintage slang are probably the ones that intrigue me most.  Call me a "doll" or a "dame" while chatting me up at a "hip joint" and I might just melt at your feet.

Because words are sexy [and boys who know words are even sexier].

Sex, Lies, & VideoPhones: Corey [pt 1]

One of the drawbacks of conducting interviews via videophone is that eventually, you're going to run out of space.

Fortunately, Corey's a great sport and patiently waited for me to track down a loaner camera to finish things up.
Unfortunately, that camera and it's footage are both still in Indiana.

We may need a do-over session [sorry, Corey].

But for now, here's part 1:

Corey [part 1] from michelle shea walker on Vimeo.

Corey aka Hawt like Corey Morrow

Corey is Adorable.

Girls love him.  The whole room of female interviewers would burst into "awwww's" at almost every answer he gave.  He just has that sort of bashful, unassuming quality that makes you want to be his friend...

...his very, very close friend. ;)

Plus, he has great taste in music.

Here's a preview:

Corey [a preview] from michelle shea walker on Vimeo.

Sex, Lies, & VideoPhones: Kevin

As promised in yesterday's post, here's Kevin Whittington [aka The_Real_CKW] totally uncensored.

I would like to point out that I actually did very little interviewing for this video.  Major props to the unabashed beauties in the room who asked the dirty little questions for me.

Kevin [Uncensored] from michelle shea walker on Vimeo.

Kevin aka The Real CKW

Kevin and I have been friends for at least 6 years.  We met doing theatre in college, but he's only recently been catapulted to the ranks of one of my best friends.

I adore Kevin most for his ability to be simultaneously egotistical and caring, a bad boy and a gentleman.  Needless to say, when he sat down to be interviewed by a room full of [slightly tipsy] females, nothing was taboo.

From the dirty to the sentimental, Kevin's frank and honest about everything...which is another reason why we're so close.

Here's a preview of what Kevin has to say about falling in love:

The Real CKW [a preview] from michelle shea walker on Vimeo.

Stay tuned later on this week for the full [uncensored] interview.

The Inspiration.

I always feel that it is important to give credit where credit is due.

Everything's a copy of a copy of a copy nowadays because everyone's inspired by the same themes and stories over and over again, and that's fine. But I never want to be accused of not giving credit to the things that have inspired me.

For several years, I'd toyed with the idea of starting a blog about love and relationships, but never felt quite courageous enough to put my personal life out there in such a blatant way.  I've had a few postings under various aliases, but for the most part, I've kept my romantic life confined to the pages of my journal.

That is, until I stumbled across imboycrazy.com by Alexi Wasser.  The tone of her blog is quite different than mine, but the essence is the same: giving out advice, not from the stand point of an expert, but from the view of someone who simply has experiences that perhaps can be learned from.  My favorite part about Alexi's blog has always been her video interviews.  Because her main focus is boys, she often does street interviews with male strangers or friends, asking them random questions about life and relationships.  I loved how the variety of people on camera showed both the vast differences in boys as well as the similarities in what most guys are looking for in love.

For this blog, I want to take things a step further.  Obviously, I love to talk to boys, but I also want to find out opinions on love from girls and couples as well.  What makes certain relationships work and others not? What attracts us to each other? What kind of experience are we all looking for?

Stay tuned for the interviews.